Day 8 to Day 13: On Surfing Letdowns, Uncommon Goals, and Some Manifestos

Okay, I'm back! And I've got a couple more entries for #100DaysOfWritingTrue. I will admit that this second week has been a bit hard, which led me to miss a couple of days but I'm catching up. I guess it's just like surfing. When you aren't used to it yet, your body complains. You wake up the next day cursing the previous session. But as you surf more and more, your muscles get used to it and you're paddling effortlessly. Oh, how I wish for my writing muscles to get used to this too!

8/100 → We had woken up before 5 and were on the road by 6. It was a 3-car convoy to a spot most of us have never surfed before. We had been sleepless over the forecast: big swell, good interval, charts pointing toward epic. We were all smiles throughout the morning drive, and when we arrived at the spot, it was nearly flat.

Was the tide too low? Was the swell direction off? Was it the wind? We stared at the break and imagined what it could have looked like on a good day, and we stood in a silence perhaps only surfers understood.

Well, there's that. One by one, we shuffled back into our rides, a 3-car letdown. When we arrived in San Juan, we were laughing. Oh, how we had woken up so early! The frantic texts in between! We even brought a good camera! 

The lure of the waves pushed us to wake up early, wake others too, and move toward a shared hope. I don't know about the boys but I feel like there's stoke and accomplishment in that too. Even though we didn't get to surf that morning, we were there to partake in the promise of glory, together, and that there was happiness in that letdown, something maybe only surfers understood.


9/100 → How unusual it is to rain just like that! And it is a strong and certain rain, one that makes coffee taste better. We've cranked up songs that remind us of childhood hopes for suspended classes. And the store next door is selling hot beef noodles and I'm convinced that the rainy season here will be glorious. So rain on, LU. My heart is ready. 


10/100 → Sometimes, I wonder if the simplicity of this life can lead to mediocrity, a mock contentment, a state of too safe. But then I remember that the game has not changed; I just want less. 

Today, I am making a list of all my goals. A map of things to seek, make, plan. For as long as I have this vision, for as long as I stick with this direction, I'll remember to be good. I'll remember to be brave. I'll remember to be kind.

Photo by @aj_aligam. Thanks, sniper!


11/100 → When asked what my goals are for #The100DayProject, I am reminded that the priority is to offer authenticity. I chose #100DaysOfWritingTrue not only to truly go back to the writing habit, but also to live a less edited life. I don't want to be just another girl at the beach, and I don't want to always have to arrange my things so they look pretty. I only have one life, this one here and this one tomorrow. I don't have 'that other life,' the undocumented one that's not good enough for Instagram. The point is not to post only the picturesque parts of my life. The point is to see the potential in all the parts.

Like this little house on the corner, the one with the white bougainvillea shade. It looked unlivable before we moved in, but after some paint, a new fence and some love, it has become a proper house, one you would be excited to come home to. 

#100DaysOfWritingTrue is about that transformation, that resourceful way of seeing potential and unlocking perspectives anew. At the end of 100 days, I hope to find myself-- and whoever is in this with me-- transformed, too.


12/100 → There should be a word for this: when you remember a scene from your childhood when you see it happen to other children. Thank you for the chocolatey reminder, Cadence!

And hands up to Amy and Kiddo for raising three incredible kids!


13/100 → I guess all girls grow up with a love-hate relationship with their bodies. Yes, you can't avoid the media and you will get pressured by society to look a certain way. I grew up "too skinny," and before anyone tells me how lucky I am for being thin, think again. Growing up, I felt like I had to be tomboyish because of my frame even if I was the least bit sporty. And still, I felt like I was made entirely of arms and legs, gangly and unglamorous. A klutz since birth!

But all girls should outgrow that phase of being awkward. I learned that a healthy mindset was the key, and that achieving it was a journey. I thought about how I could enjoy looking like this without sabotaging my self-esteem. In college, I dressed weird because it was fun. Then I started a tattoo collection and dyed my hair pink, purple, blue. I was liking how I looked but I'll be lying if I said I was fully secure.

And then I found surfing, or it found me, and now I see that all my past attempts to love myself have culminated in a total return to nature. I was never athletic but here I am riding waves. It can be done if you give up all your silly preconceived notions about yourself. This is a reset button. A real life "make over." Reinventing who you are starts with rethinking who you need to be.

And yes, there's nothing quite like the sun in your hair or the sea on your skin, repeatedly, to assure you that this is exactly what you should look like-- that this is exactly who you need to be. No makeup, no fads, no expectations. Everything you need to be beautiful, you already have. 

Thanks for catching up on my little project. You can follow my daily posts on Instagram! @camillepilar 

Sea you there! ;)

Camille Pilar1 Comment